Skip to main content

Alien Ass (11-9-17)

Write a story that involves a donkey, lime juice and aliens. [Link to post.]

“This is the stupidest idea you’ve ever had, and you’ve had a lot!” I complained loudly after the donkey’s waste plopped out of it and almost onto my shoe. I was following the donkey and its rider, my commander, across the desertscape. She laughed dismissively, in the way only she can. It was not a dismissal of respect like anyone else using that tone. Her giggles translated loosely as “yeah, but you can handle it.” We’d spent two weeks alone together, hiding out behind enemy lines.

“Maybe if you had *any* ideas you’d be commander. But this donkey is all we’ve got for now.” She pointed over a ridge of sand in the distance. “Look, I see lights, that’s gotta be it.” I looked up and saw brilliant blue lights fighting the dark sky to a standstill. “Let’s go over the plan again,” she said. She turned her body around on the donkey to ride it backwards while facing me.

“No. We’ve gone over it at least 100 times over the last 20 miles. You know the plan, I know the plan, the donkey knows the plan,” I said. I kept staring at the lights in the distance, intentionally avoiding her gaze. We’d spent too much time together already, and I was developing feelings. The wrong kind of feelings to have for a commanding officer.

“So we’re just going to cover the last leg of desert in silence?” She stuck her tongue out at me and turned her body back around. The donkey started walking forward again. Damnit. I wasn’t developing feelings, I already had them.

“You could sing the song?” I asked, smiling. I hoped my voice carried the smile to her. “That always makes you feel better.” I said. I stopped myself there, and wrestled with my mind. But I was too smart for myself. While I tried to reason with my mind, my mouth spoke the words. “You have a beautiful voice.” The words just blurted out. She turned her head around, as it to appraise me. She gave me a sly smile and then turned back around. After a few silent steps, and another plop from the donkey, I heard her magical voice, while we all kept marching toward the ridge. I could have walked forever, listening to her.

“Brother bought a coconut. He bought it for a dime. His sister had another one, she paid it for a lime,” she sang.

“HE PUT THE LIME IN THE COCONUT,” I belted out. I close my eyes when I sing like that, so I walked right into the donkey that had stopped walking. I opened my eyes to see the Commander with her hands raised in the air. I stepped out from behind the donkey and saw several armed border guards pointing their guns at us.

“Stick to the plan,” the Commander whispered. I saw confused looks on the faces of the guards and realized they didn’t understand her.

“We don’t speak Spanish, and if you’re trying to get into America, neither should you.” The donkey let loose a wailing hee-haw to interrupt the guard. “You’ll need to do a ton of paper-”

“HEE HAW!” the donkey interrupted again.

“We can’t just let anyone into this great count-”

“HEEeeeeeeeeeee,” the donkey wheezed. The guard was growing flustered.



“Door’s that way.” The guard waved his gun to his left along the large wall.”

“Gracias.” I said. The only Spanish I spoke. I didn’t know what it meant, but I noticed it used to end conversations. It would do. When we were out of earshot, the Commander burst into laughter.

“I told you it would work!” She jumped off the donkey and gave me a hug. I enjoyed the hug, but then I saw the line.

“We’re not in yet,” I said. I pointed.

“Alright, fuck it. No more trying to keep a low profile. We got the lime juice, seeds and soil for more, and we got a cool four legged friend that knows how to follow orders. We can fly to the ship and get it back in the air before they can scramble a response. They can’t even follow us out of orbit. Grab your end of the donkey, we did promise he could come with us.”


Popular posts from this blog

Hugoverse Guidebook

This is where I will start storing information about my Universe to help add some context to my short stories. 
Magic: Magic is a natural force present on all Earths, though not all Earths have a population that can tap into it. Once a Soul learns how to tap into magic on one Earth they can tap into the magic from other Earths.Nanos:
Microscopic machines that excel at efficiency. As a result they work together and learn to optimize the tasks they're trained for. On some Earths they allow Zeroes to tap into magic, while on other Earths they evolved to mimic magic. AlterNet: A network that allows users from alternate universes to communicate with each other. It is an Earth that is completely dominated by nanos. Earths with the right technology can project their consciousness to that Earth, and the nanos will form an artificial body for their consciousness. This is primarily used for gaming, and has essentially become a giant cross universe MMO. (AlterNet)[Whispering]: Whispering is an …

Front Page

Hey folks, welcome to my writing blog. This is where I'll collect my writings to share with the internet. Hopefully you'll find something here to entertain you.

I'm in the process of moving. All new content will be found on my new blog at

Hugoverse: I have most of my universe planned out already, and I'm using writing prompts to fill it out while practicing my writing. A side effect of choosing a new prompt every day is that the story will hop around a lot.
Timeline - Lists the stories out in chronological order. Guidebook - A spotting book of the Souls in the Hugoverse.Fringes of the Hugoverse - Side stories that help explain how things work.Annexations - Oneshots chosen to be integrated.AlterNet - Stories that mostly take place in the AlterNet: a cross universe virtual Earthsized MMO. Dirge & Dread - Weekly(Sunday) adventures of Dirge & Dread. Underworld - Stories involving the organized criminal underworld of the Hugoverse
Short Stories: These s…

Hugoverse Timeline

Welcome to my universe. Here you can watch me develop it using writing prompts from r/writingprompts. Please note that the stories are listed in chronological order as they happen in-universe. The date shown is the date of the writing prompt. It's also worth mentioning that some stories contain NSFW language.

Rise of the Demon Queen - Find out how and why Ballisea became the Demon Queen.

(4-05-2018) WedBlock [WP]: You are determined to propose to your partner for 3 years. Nothing can stop you. Well, maybe one thing... (11-13-2017) Zero Hero [WP]: You’re a normal villager in a fantasy town and the main hero has just moved in next door after completing his quest.  (11-21-2017) Necro Romancer [WP]: You are the hero the kingdom needs, just not the one it wants. You are The Necromancer. (01-09-2018) Flutter Bye [IP]: Corruption by ChrisCold(01-22-2018) Abort, Retry, Fail? [WP]: Goodbye...(01-04-2018) Magitech [WP]: "Oh, don't mind those mage protestors. They're just pissed th…